I already have a minivan full of reasons to hold suburbs in disdain. They’re mostly generic, conservative, and soulless, the most ultimate product of the McDonaldization of America. The triumph of safety (or the illusion of) and convenience over community, soul, real life. The same housing styles in the same communities with silly names (Dartmouth Woods, The Groves, Horseshoe Trails), full of the same Volvos and minivans and people who think the same. A blanket statement, no doubt, but mostly true. If I blindfolded you and dropped you in the middle of a ‘burb, I sincerely doubt you could you tell me if it was West Chester, Ohio or Barrington Hills, IL.
The main reason to hate the suburbs is that suburban sprawl a genuine threat to our environment, health, and quality of life. Read Cincinnati Enquirer article on playground basketball:
And that suburban icon, the portable basketball goal at the end of the cul-de-sac, has been under fire. The Associated Press reported in June that communities in at least seven states have banned portable hoops. Forest Park, considering the hoops a dangerous, unnecessary obstruction, passed an ordinance prohibiting any “permanent or portable recreational equipment” from being placed in driveway aprons or roadways.
In Springfield Township, trustees are considering a resolution for action against nuisance basketball hoops. If more than half of residents within 300 feet of the basketball goal sign a petition requesting the goal be removed, the township may remove it.
“It’s something the children are going to have a stake in,” said Joseph Honerlaw, a trustee. “If the kids are going to be totally out of control, the residents living nearby can petition us.”
Portable basketball goals are silly (commit to the game!) but reading that they’re the new scourge of suburbia and a genuine threat to our children makes me laugh really hard. Are these people really that out of it? Kids in Chicago’s south side dodge gang crossfire on the way to school, and these poncy pansies find basketball hoops dangerous and scary. Incredible.